Watch out, I'm gonna go religious on you...

Some of you may be aware of my religious affiliation as a Christian in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  The meaning of Christmas is coming sharply into focus for me as there has been a prevalent lack of focus on its meaning in my family this holiday.  My entire family is also LDS, minus one sister who recently declared her staunch devotion to atheism.  I respect her right to choose her path in life, however, her choice has had a stifling effect on my family.  My family seems to be afraid to speak about religion and politics at all because my sister makes fun of Christianity and conservative values constantly.  We didn't make one religious reference on Christmas as a family.  I don't even think a family prayer was said.

I need to declare that I love Jesus Christ.  I am grateful for His mother's devotion in bringing Him forth.  I am grateful for Christ's love for me.  I feel greatly hermetic with my faith recently.  It's a strange feeling, considering I've been in the seat of Mormonism for nearly two years.  I know the Spirit is real.  I don't want my sister to feel judged by me, but I am really sad that we can't share this part of my life.  I completely understand that there are wonderful people all over the world who have never heard of Jesus Christ and don't believe in Him and they will live generous and selfless lives, despite this ignorance.  I know that most religions hold true beauty and love as their purpose.  I just need someone to understand that I love my Savior.  I love my Heavenly Parents.  I really love my family.

This may be a tangent, but I feel awful for leaving Southern California for BYU.  I had a great responsibility to my youngest brother and sister before I left and when I left them, they suffered a great deal of neglect.  I don't know how to make it up to them.  I just wish I could take back those years and give them my unfailing devotion.  I feel such a great sense of loss for not being there for them.  They may not be my children by birth, but I feel a devotion to them that I can't imagine to be any greater.  I love them very much.  And I wish I was a better person.  That is the part of Christmas I am so grateful for, a Savior who understands this and has provided the solution.  I can't be everything to anyone/everyone.  So I'm grateful for Someone who is.

I hope you have had a wonderful Christmas and I hope you have been able to appreciate your loved ones.  I hope they have been able to appreciate you.  Merry Christmas.

How cute is my grandma?

I've spent another weekend with bad posture sitting in my bed writing papers.  I finally finished the second one tonight and came out of my room excited because I have another maybe 16 hours of freedom before I need to start the process all over again.  Well it's bedtime here and for some reason my grandma was over at the kitchen counter with a mixing bowl and spatula.  So my sister and I, curious, asked her what she was doing.  "Playing."  She decided she wanted to make candy and melted some chocolate and was putting it into molds.  As limited as my grandma is in her physical abilities, I love seeing how much she loves cooking and playing around in the kitchen.  I'll come home and she'll have made home-made pastries or twelve loaves of freshly baked bread after grinding the wheat herself.  She is from a generation of people that can sew their own clothes and bottle their own preserves.  I know that when the end of civilization comes I'll wish I had paid more attention to my grandma and her hobbies.  As a kid my grandpa would be in the garage creating furniture and my grandma would be in the basement sewing.  She has a lot of quirks, but I really admire how much she has done with her life and how capable she is.  Even with tumors and arthritis and joint problems, she still has a much more active social life than I do.  I think those are my favorite times, when she is in the kitchen in her pajamas playing.

Susan Boyle

Did you know that Susan Boyle was 47 when she got her big debut on that British reality TV show?  She was 47 at the time and had never been kissed and was unemployed and living with her cat.  I'm 28.  Did you know the sexual peak for women is at 35?  Did you know that women who are 28 and single are going through hell having to deal with the reality of unused hormones?  Did you know that if I'm 47, unemployed and living with only a cat I will shoot myself--especially because I know I don't have any amazing talents like Susan Boyle to pluck me out of singledom.  How anti-feminist I sound, I know.  But seriously, something's gotta give.

Big Night

So it just occurred to me that my big news for last night is completely pathetic.  I was sitting on my bed eating dinner and watching Glee and when I got up to put my dishes away, I hadn't realized my foot fell asleep and I totally ate it, but because I couldn't feel my ankle and watched it twist in a really creepy way, I was scared I broke it.  So I started freaking out and my grandma and sister wanted to be helpful and came rushing in.  But then the blood flowed back and I realized I had only twisted my ankle and my cries for help were completely melodramatic.  So now I am limping around feeling completely lame because that was my big news for the night. Nothing exciting.  Just went to Target and did some Christmas shopping and did some homework and caught up on Glee (which was awesome, btw).  I need more of a life.

PS: I did get some exciting news.  I passed all three subtests for the CSET for all history subjects.  So, this qualifies me to teach World, US, and California history along with Economics and Geography.  And it saves me a million years of school taking the classes to fill California's requirements.  Yay!

Weekend Turnaround

Friday: 


6am: Go to work.
4:pm: After packing and downloading important homework stuff, pick up my brother and fill up gas tank.
9:pm: Get pulled over for broken left headlamp--no ticket.


Saturday:


12am: Get pulled over again for broken headlamp.
2am: Get pulled over again for broken headlamp.
4am: Buy a pineapple, 12 pack of diet coke, and a headlamp at Walmart.
4:30am: Check into hotel and finish three more journal articles before 8am and get no sleep before class
8am: Log in to class.
10am: Finally make it to Kneaders to meet some friends and hug for 45 seconds and then disburse.
10:15am: Surprise little sister that I came into town to see her.
12:pm: Show up at Cat's house with a butt load of groceries (after calling her every ten min at the grocery store asking her what she has and doesn't have)
5pm: pick up bike from old apartment and figure out how to assemble bike rack for my car and get an oil change
6pm: Have a wonderful long convo with a friend over the phone, but missed being able to see her


Sunday
1am: Finally finished research for paper due Sunday
5:30am: Wake up and get on the road to go home
6am: Find out storage unit is locked up despite 24 hour access promise.
7am: Drop off to see one more friend in Salt Lake who forgot I was coming and came to the door in his Gs.
3pm: Get to pass from Nevada to California and find out it is closed and may be closed for another 10-12 hours
5pm: Get another hotel room and finish paper
9pm: Get ripped off for having to buy snow chains and drive for four hours with knuckles clenched over the Sierras


Monday:
1:30am: Finally get home and go to sleep before work


After 30 hours of driving and getting less than ten hours of sleep this weekend and not even getting my crap from UHaul, I am exhausted.  They will get a call later today that will make them wish they had lied to Oprah about writing an autobiography.

FAIL

This morning I discovered two things you should never pair together:
1. Pomegranate Seeds
2. Low Cut T-Shirt

FML

So this whole eating healthy thing involves a lot of fibrous foods including things like beans.  Are you going to make me sing the song?  So the only bathrooms around are surrounded by people's offices and are very echo-y.  I hate using the bathrooms for that and then having to do the walk of shame back to my desk.  I can't live like this, everything moving around and my stomach making really loud noises at my desk--almost as bad as the real thing!  And my evenings are ruined--I'm catching up for a whole day of being backed up and I'm either stuck in my room or contaminating the bathroom at home.  How do normal people deal with this problem?